Looking Back
by Settiai
Summary: Giles knew that he shouldn't dwell on the past, but he couldn't help it.


Title: Looking Back

Author: Settiai

Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and other related characters are all properties of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and other related corporations. No infringement is intended. This story, such as it is, was written as a sign of respect and love for the characters, the show, and their creator. I claim no ownership of the aforementioned show and characters.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Giles knew that he shouldn't dwell on the past, but he couldn't help it.

Feedback: Comments and helpful criticisms are always appreciated.

----------

Giles knew that he shouldn't dwell on the past, but he couldn't help it. It had always been his weakness, ever since he was a little boy who naively believed he might have a future that didn't involve the Watchers' Council. When times were hard, he found escape in either the comfort of the past or the hope of the future … and, since he doubted his future was going to improve anytime soon, that left only one option open to him.

Shaking his head, he moved away from the window. He had been watching the storm outside for well over ten minutes, and his mind had started to wander. Without saying a word, he dropped down into a chair and picked up the half-empty bottle of bourbon that was lying on the table.

"You're remembering again."

He didn't even glance up at the familiar voice, instead keeping his attention on the liquor he was pouring into the glass. "Really?" he asked dryly. "Considering that I'm seeing ghosts, I'd say that I had just had a little too much to drink."

Jenny smiled at him, but it never reached her eyes. They were cold and unyielding, completely alien to the face they belonged to. "Perhaps," she said softly. "Or maybe there's something coming that even you can't comprehend."

Giles raised an eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"

Still smiling, Jenny suddenly disappeared into thin air. Giles picked up his glass with a frown and neatly downed the shot of bourbon that he'd just poured before glancing at the spot where Jenny had been standing. "I'm not a complete fool," he said quietly. "I recognize dark magic when I see it, even if I don't know its name."

With a tired sigh, he glanced over at the window. Rain was still streaming down the glass, and he couldn't help but wonder just what the others were doing right then. He knew that Willow was still working with the coven, trying to overcome everything that had happened in Sunnydale, but he had already begun losing touch with the other children.

Giles suspected that Buffy was still searching for a job, trying to find something to do with her life that didn't involve destiny. He allowed himself a sad smile as he thought about the teenage girl she had once been. If someone had told him then that the brassy young American would become like a daughter to him, that her friends would be like his own children … he would have laughed right in their face.

Then again, he would have done the same if they had told him that Buffy would somehow manage to survive over seven years of being the Slayer. There were few that could hold that claim.

With a start, Giles realized that he had let his mind start to wander again.

Shaking his head, he reluctantly pushed the bottle of bourbon away from him. He had already had more than he should have, and he knew from past experience that it wouldn't help. Instead, he let his mind focus on the small group of children that he had watched over for the past few years.

They had all grown up.

Dawn would be starting high school in just a few months. It was hard to think that the gangly little girl he had met all those years ago was now the same age Buffy had been when she first became the Slayer. She was starting to have an active role in, and—if Buffy was to be believed—Dawn was well on her way to becoming quite fluent in several ancient languages, including Sumerian.

Joyce would have been proud of both her daughters … and most like the others as well.

Giles smiled as he thought of the oldest Summers woman, although it was a little bittersweet. He had no doubts that life in Sunnydale would have taken an entirely different path if she had lived. If he had been the, albeit reluctant, father figure for the wayward group of children, she had thrown herself wholeheartedly into playing the role of mother. Joyce had lived to take care of her daughters, and it hadn't bothered her in the least bit to add a few more strays to her family.

Speaking of which, he wasn't entirely sure what Xander was doing now, though he knew it involved construction. The single phone call he'd had with Buffy earlier in the summer had led him to believe the young man was making a good life for himself. It was still difficult for Giles to believe that a boy who had barely graduated high school could go so far, but he had always known that Xander had hidden depths.

Then there was Willow.

Giles frowned a bit as he remembered what she had looked like in Sunnydale, her red hair leeched black and a look of utter desolation on her face. She was slowly healing, but he knew that he would never be able to erase that image from his mind. No matter what she became in the future, no matter how young and innocent she had been when he first met her … he would never forget what she looked like when she had lost everything.

He quickly pushed those thoughts aside, well aware that his hands would decide to reach for the half-empty bottle again if he didn't. Instead, he tried to focus on the faces of those who'd left Sunnydale behind to find their own place in the world. Oz, Cordelia, Riley … even Angel and Wesley. And Faith, though he knew she still had a ways to go.

Then Anya's face flashed in his mind, human features fading into the demon visage of Anyanka, and he felt his hand unconsciously reach for the bourbon. Not for the first time, he wondered if things in Sunnydale would have been different if he'd stayed. He had thought, at the time, that he was doing the right thing by letting them live their own lives … now he wondered if perhaps he had taken the coward's way out.

Then Tara's face flashed in his mind and he felt something tug at his heart. Jenny, Kendra, Joyce, even Buffy for a short amount of time … so many had been lost over the years.

And he couldn't help but feel that it wasn't over yet.


End file.
